Dear Doctor Was Filling Up Next to Me at Shell This Morning,
I may not have gone to school for the better part of a decade (though it was close) and I may not have enough money to afford a week in Cabo like you were bragging about on your Bluetooth. But at least I have enough goddamn sense not to drive away with the nozzle still attached to my car, thus ripping the hose from the station and spraying everyone around him with fuel like he was Peter fucking North with an unleaded-filled cock.
Do me a favor. Keep talking on your phone when you fill up your car. Hopefully the static electricity from your phone will eventually ignite the fumes from the fuel and engulf you in flame like a fucking Tibetan monk. Then Darwin will be proven right and you will have truly made the world a better place.
P.S. - Your act of idiocy did force me to double back home to shower and change clothes, thus keeping me from work for an extra hour, so it wasn't without some merit.