clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

A Hokies Festivus for the Rest of Us

It's Dec. 23, which those of us who watched Seinfeld know as Festivus. Those of you who didn't watch the show probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Learn about it here and here.

Everyone else gather around the Festivus pole because it's time for the Airing of Grievances. I've got a lot of problems with you people.

First, Boise State. It doesn't feel so great when another team treats you like its Super Bowl, now does it? You know, that loss to Nevada did more for making you a legitimate program than winning a national title would have. Do you know why everyone wanted you to lose? Because we were tired of seeing everything magically fall into place for you. Your fanbase never experienced true disappointment like the rest of us. Well now you have. Welcome to big-time college football.

James Madison. It was one thing for you guys to embarrass us. But you followed that up by going 6-5 and 3-5 in conference. I'm sure it didn't do much for Michigan fans, but at least Appalachian State followed up its win in the Big House by winning a national title. You people couldn't even make the playoffs.

Miami. Why'd you have to go and hire Al Golden. Do you know how hard it is to hate a coach who once lifted weights with Final Countdown blaring in the background?

Bryan Stinespring. We're still running routes short of the first down marker on third downs. This year we had 46 third down completions and 36 first downs on those completions. Not nearly as bad as '08, but not as good as last year, either.

Hokie fans. In conference play we led the league in yards per play, points per game and time of possession (a big part of what Frank Beamer wants) and were second in yards per game. We were also second in third down percentage and first in red zone touchdown percentage. Not all of it was the players, OK? I think we can give Stinespring a break until at least September.

UVa. Actually, you're right on schedule. Keep up the good work.

Myself. You've been mailing it in lately. Drink a 5 Hour Energy and quit wimping out and posting so many FanShots.

And now the Feats of Strength!


Air your own grievances in the comments. This post isn't over until one of you pins me.